Oktoberfest Football

By: Chris Woodard

Considering I have nothing to lose since my first two weeks have been horrible... here is the old Oktoberfest week picks tradition. In other words, have a few drinks, and pick games based on what quarterback I think could drink more. Ready...... go!

NE @ Buf

Obviously, Buffalo. I have no idea if Fitzpatrick can drink worth a damn... but I'm pretty sure Brady can't. I'm OK with that. The guy has plenty of other things going on in his life... the ability to put down an 18er on a slow day is probably not that important to him. I'm guessing Fitz (yup, just nicknamed him that) could put down a twelver with ease... 18 if he was challenged.

Jax @ Carolina

Can I not pick neither of these douche bags? I'm thinking Gabbert learned a few things while training for the draft with Wisconsin's own J.J. Watt... but not enough. Cam is a shady dude and most shady dudes can drink... I'm guessing he's more of a wine cooler guy though.

S.F. @ Cinci

After all these years of being put down, replaced by sub par backups, new coaches, new offenses, and having a gigantic nose since he was born... I'm guessing Alex Smith has spent a few nights drinking himself to sleep. Therefore, I'm putting my money on him bellying up to the bar and drinking more than a ginger who got lucky beating the Badgers for a Rose Bowl title he doesn't deserve.

Mia @ Cle

Chad Henne has the worst triceps tattoo... or any tattoo for that matter... that I've ever seen in my life. Not the point, but anyway, after two years in Cleveland I'm guessing Colt can freakin drink. Is there anything else to do in Cleveland?

Det @ Min

Donovan McNabb got run out of Washinton, one of the worst places to play in the NFL. Where did he end up? The WORST place to play in the NFL. Guaranteed this dude drinks just to get through another day in a state where you can't buy beer on Sundays. And... he never knows when the the roof will cave in... literally or figuratively... so he might as well be drunk at the time. Stafford may be able to pound back a mean jag bomb... but he's irrelevant here because I'm positive McNabb is hammered as I type this.

Hou @ NO

I don't have a convincing argument for either one but as much as I like Drew Brees... and he seems like a centered, priorities in order kind of man/father.... I bet he can't drink worth a shit. So Schaub wins by process of elimination. (though part of me wonders if Brees drinks just to be able to handle his growing comb over... I'm guessing the money makes up for it)

NYG @ Phili

Please!!! Eli is like a 12 year old in shoulder pads... not even the legal drinking age. And you can't tell me Vick didn't get hammered on bottles of straight booze while he watched those dogs fight. Probation or not... his tolerance must still be high so I'm going with the Eagles... assuming Vick starts. (and if he doesn't anyone who throws 5 interceptions in a bowl game, Kafka, must have been drunk at the time so I'm OK with him too)

Denver @ Tennessee

Easy one... Orton. As much as I love the Titans Matty Hasselbeck is gettin old. Combine that with the fact that Kyle Orton has to live with pretty boy underwear model Tim Tebow everyday... AND he looks like he just strolled off the back 40 with a dip in his mouth and a broken mason jar full of Jim Beem in his hand... and... damn... I kinda want to hang out with Kyle Orton.

NYJ @ Oakland

Mark Sanchez can't drink!!

KC @ SD

I'm breaking my promise... don't care who can drink more. I just can't pick KC under any possible circumstances.

Bal @ Stl

Sam Bradford seems soft to me. I can see Joe Flacco sitting by himself in a dark room with a 12er of PBR silos while he's breaking down film. Flacco.

GB @ Chi

Aaron Rodgers can do ANYTHING better than ANYONE. Plus... throw in the Wisconsin factor... and Cutler will be crying like he did when his reality star girlfriend broke up with him. Man that guy sucks. Rodgers by a 6 pack.

AZ @ Sea

T. Jax lives in Seattle. That's depressing with all the rain and clouds. Not to mention if you can't get out of Matt Hasselbeck's shadow and you weren't good enough to start over a beat down Donovan McNabb you have a lot of reasons to listen to Journey and drink rail whiskey. Pretty sure T. Jax can put them down.

Atl @ TB

this one was tough. But I'm going with Freeman on the body weight factor. He's a bit of a chunker... advantage big boy.

Pitt @ Indy

Ben Roethlisberger (don't give a damn if I spelled the losers name right) is a drunk.

Wash @ Dallas

Saving the best for last. Oh where do I begin. I have it on good authority that Tony Romo was kind of (and by kind of I mean a HUGE) douche in High School. Not the kind of star quarterback so everyone is jealous douche... the kind of... I don't have any friends so I hang out with myself douche. When you steal a bottle of booze from my best friend in High School then come back to his house party with your tail between your legs to give it back... you are dead to me. Romo is a homo... been saying it for years. The only thing that would make this more lob-sided is if the drinking competition between the two actually meant something. As in, Romo needs to sink one more quarter to avoid shot-gunning a 6 pack and letting sexy Rexy sleep with his wife. In that case I am positive that quarter would A-break the glass B-end up hurting someone 15 feet away or C-end up in Romo's nose because we all know how clutch and accurate he is when it really matters. Sexy Rexy wins in a landslide.

Time to get some rest, heading to Oktoberfest in the morning.