In the KOA's week three column he answers some questions from readers, league members and some athletes. He also gives his week three picks and congratulates the week two winners.
I've never attempted a mailbag in my five-year history of blogging so for some this will be a historic occasion. For others this will come off as a clear rip-off of Bill Simmons, and to them I say ... who cares.
These are actual questions that actual people may or may not have asked me.
Will I ever get to play again? - Brady Quinn
Honestly Brady it's not going to happen in Denver. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Scratch that, you're stuck between Grizzly Adams and Jesus Christ.
Luke McCown, Tavaris Jackson and Chad Henne have all started this year while you remain on the bench. That fact has to be hard to comprehend. But just like you told me a while back, keep your head up. It's the trials and tribulations that make us perfect.
Why won't Kevin include me with his picks anymore? - Maxine Hunt
Are you guys going to kick me off of Bottomless Pancakes? - Matt Barnes
Barnes, myself, and league members Adam Jenne and Josh Gillespie bowl every Wednesday night under the name, "Bottomless Pancakes." So far we've done fairly decent as a team. But as individuals ... eh, that's another story.
Two weeks ago Barnes did the unthinkable and failed to bowl a 300. If we were talking about one game this wouldn't be an issue, but alas, I'm saying that Barnes didn't bowl a 300 SERIES. He threw a solid 294 over three games. It's actually pretty difficult to do that if you are trying to bowl well, which assuredly Barnes was.
Yes, the Rooney Rule will keep Barnes on our team but more 294 nights and we might have to send him to Redemption Island.
Am I going to be your top ranked actor? - Tom Hanks
You were the odds-on favorite at the start of my list Tommy, no doubt about it. At the half-way point you were tied for first with Kevin Spacey. But you only have one movie appearance in the top-half of my list which is going to allow others the chance to catch up to you.
I'm re-tooling my actor-point system to allow .25 points for Oscar nominations, another .25 points for Oscar wins, and .25 points per top ten appearance. I haven't done any calculations yet, but I'm willing to guess that you will be in a three-horse race with Kevin Spacey and Leonardo DiCaprio. We will have to wait and see.
Who is in the lead to take me home? - Bill Walton
The short answer is no one Billy ... no one. Your award was so much easier to hand out when I was posting one column a week and league members were allowed to simply make comments. Now that we have a common blog that allows members to write their own columns, it's changed things.
Was glad to see Woody perform his annual Oktoberfest drinking column, but I'm going to ask him ... or anyone who is up to the task ... of creating a Power Rankings column concerning QB's drinking rating. Factors that need to be considered are 1) body type, 2) location, 3) age, 4) football performance and 5) where they went to college. Think there is a lot of potential there. But well done Woody.
Was also glad to see Hunt back in action with his Romo Is Homo haiku. It's been way too long since we've had a new one. It was like waiting for a new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
But to fully answer your question Billy, unless some drastic changes happen in the future, we might have to reassess your award's value and hand it out based on a different criteria than just best one-liners.
What was the last funny movie I was in? - Adam Sandler
Hey, it's made you a lot of money so more power to you. But know this Mr. Sandler, there's no chance you could have had the opportunity you have now without Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Those got you the start and the chance to make a bunch of thoughtless, cash-raking films.
Having said that, 50 First Dates wasn't too bad, but the correct answer is probably either The Waterboy or The Wedding Singer. Both were made more than twelve years ago.
Are you ever going to use the website I created? - Josh Gillespie
Yes ... probably.
Josh did our league a fantastic service of creating our very own league website. It's located at nflats.com. The only problem is that I'm unfamiliar with the technical side of things (posting, editing, etc.) and it was developed too close to the start of the year to allow me the chance to learn it.
As of right now this blog is working out and in the upcoming weeks it will be fine-tuned.
As for the website, we need to think long-term with that. I need to find ways that differentiate it from this blog because at this point - besides dropping the "blogspot.com" - I can't really find one. Hopefully Josh can fill me in on all the advantages so when 2012 rolls around we will be ready to go.
How much longer will I stay in first place? - Ben Ferree
Before I answer Ben's question, let me congratulate Josh Wolf for winning the week two pot and going home with $25. I really hope this trend of outright weekly winners continues so I can drop the four-week max rule next year. As of now, if we go four straight weeks without an outright winner then the $100 will be decided by the MNF tiebreaker. The four-week max rule was developed because we weren't sure how many outright winners we would have. Well thus far we are two-for-two. Well done Wolf.
Ben right now is sitting in first place by two games. He's one of only three people to pick double-digit winners the first two weeks (joining Brian Keenan and Joe Clark). In our league's short history, the ones who have jumped out to leads have not done a good job of holding on for year-end cash. Without knowing Ben at all, I'm going to go ahead and say by week five he will have someone ahead of him.
Is it already too late for me? - Eric Hug
It's definitely not too late for Huggy Bear, but if he is still in dead last after eight weeks, I'd call it a wrap. Fortunately with the weekly pot in place this season, everyone down towards the bottom will still have a reason to send in picks.
For the first month you simply want to avoid a horrible week. The next goal is to post two or three outstanding weeks and hope that it's enough. If you go .500 for the first two months of the season and then win 12 games for three consecutive weeks you will find yourself right near the top of the standings ... book it.
Why am I not getting any credit for how well these Lions are playing? - Matt Millen
Yes, these are my readers.
What do your week three picks look like? - America
Stumbled upon some extra money on Sportsbook.com so I made myself a six-point parlay. I went with Atlanta (+7.5), New England (-2.5) and Pittsburgh (-4.5). I also think all three of those will cover without the six-point spread with Atlanta (+1.5) being Lucy's Lock of the Week (1-0). Here are my others.
JAX (+3.5) over CAR
SF (+2.5) over CIN
MIA (+2.5) over CLE
DET (-3.5) over MIN
NO (-4.5) over HOU
PHI (-5.5) over NYG
TEN (-7.5) over DEN
NYJ (-3.5) over OAK
SD (-14.5) over KC
BAL (-3.5) over STL
GB (-3.5) over CHI
SEA (+3.5) over ARI
DAL (-4.5) over WAS
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
I tried my best to give away the lead this week. But in the words of Sexy Rexy Grossman, “I'm just a positive person and I feel like this is just another bad thing to happen but I know great things are coming for me."
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