Not Your Typical Sunday

By: Kevin Hunt

Sitting here, watching the first part of the Browns-Colts game, I realized that this scene is something I get to witness very often. Usually my Sundays are spent in the coaches office at Bishop Ready High School as we prepare for the upcoming game week. The norm is to meet from 10 a.m. until finished, but this week we are meeting at 3 p.m. instead. Which means you get to learn my thoughts on this week's games in my first installment on the blog.

Jags +9.5 vs. Jets
There wasn't a whole lot I liked out of the Dallas-Jets game last week. Plus I've always hated Mark Sanchez. If I knew something demeaning that rhymed with Sanchez, he would have his own haiku as well (see comment for Cowboys below). On a related note, his college team, USC, is 3-0 but still can't go to a bowl game, so they can suck it.

Redskins -4.5 vs. Cardinals
Rex Grossman or Kevin Kolb?? How would this matchup have been dissected even just four years ago?? I'm convinced there are better quarterbacks SOMEWHERE in the world and maybe instead of being a teacher I should be a worldwide NFL talent scout. I'll stick to Shakespeare for a little bit I guess.

Saints -6.5 vs. Bears
Drew Brees gets video montages of him helping people after a flood. Jay Cutler gets video montages of him being angry and yelling things. I'll go ahead and take the home team.

Bucs +3.5 vs. Vikings
If I still lived in Wisconsin and still had Luke as my roommate and still had DirecTV and still had the NFL Sunday Ticket... this would be the game that would only be turned on if we wanted to see Brett Favre lose the game in the final minute. Favre is gone, so I care so much less about this matchup.

Packers -9.5 vs. Panthers
I may be a Cam Newton believer, but not yet. I also may have all the makings of heart disease, but not yet. Why does this matter?? Well by my calculation:

Green Bay ... Wisconsin ... Cheese ... Cheddarwurst ... Fatty foods ... Clogged Arteries ... Heart Disease ... Cam Newton ... Panthers ... Green Bay

Buffalo -3.5 vs. Oakland
Ken Jones always told me, "When in doubt, go with the home team." I know that had nothing to do with Against-the-Spread (When in doubt, take the points), but I also know that you never, never, ever go against Ken Jones. Ever. I helped the man win money in his office pool one year and he bought me my own bag of Cheetos -- fact.

Ravens -5.5 vs. Titans
Every Sunday I face a dilemma because I hate all the non-Cleveland teams in the AFC North, so I would love for them to lose by a billion each. But even my desire can't go that far. So I'm forced to use my brain, which means bad things, like taking the Ravens when they're going to win by one on a last-second field goal.

Colts +2.5 vs. Browns
I'm also forced to believe the Browns might be able to win a game. They lost to the Bengals, then became a favorite on the road the next week?? I don't know what to do anymore. (In-game update: Hillis TD run right before the half, Browns take 14-9 lead. Ugh??)

Lions -8.5 vs. Chefs
Have you even eaten lion?? No, probably not. Also, I've been told by sources (surprisingly it WASN'T Matt Barnes) that The Lion King 3D is in theaters right now. Lions rule, Chefs wait another week to do good work.

Steelers -14.5 vs. Seahawks
Surprised that Pete Carroll hasn't tried to trade his entire roster to the Bengals for Carson Palmer. Meanwhile, as Corey Taylor and I discussed today, what happened to Carson Palmer?? Is he just chilling out with his brother?? Is he still working out?? Is he trying to get signatures to repeal Senate Bill 5?? All of the above are very possible, in my opinion.

Dallas -2.5 vs. 49ers
On Saturday I took my English content Praxis test. It covers everything an English teacher is supposed to know before getting a teaching license. One particular part had four different passages from literature, and the questions following them asked which one was a (fill in the blank). I guess I can thank the always miserable Tony Romo for knowing the 5-7-5 syllable pattern of the haiku -- and so I know I got at least one of the 120 multiple choice questions correct. Without further ado...

Helped me on my test,
But game choices aren't the best.
Romo is homo.

Texans -2.5 vs. Dolphins
I've discovered I don't believe in many quarterbacks in the NFL. So I really just don't care about this game. Though I still care about it more than the Bucs-Vikes game.

Chargers +7.5 vs. Pats
Was looking forward to watching this game until I realized I wouldn't be able to watch it (see introduction to this post). I have approximately 57 fantasy players in this game, so I'm looking forward to a high scoring affair in which Wes Welker catches 28 balls for 3,422 yards (I know it's not possible, but maybe someday it will be possible, have faith).

Broncos -4.5 vs. Bengals
I used to care about who was calling which NFL games, mainly because I wanted to know what middle- to bottom-tier AFC game Gus Johnson would be calling. This would have been right in his area of expertise. I miss Gus. I miss him a lot. But speaking of Gus Johnson and the Bengals and the Broncos...



WHOA!!

Iggles -2.5 vs. Falcons
I still wish Michael Vick had gone to the Cleveland Browns if for no other reason than that the Dawg Pound would have barked at him every single game. And it would have been a positive thing. I'm taking Vick in the first ever Pit Bowl (Bull).

Giants -4.5 vs. Rams
Looks like I get to do some expansive amounts of homework on Monday night, as I won't be distracted by a football game.